


Insubordination

by hlwim



Series: Short and Sassy [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 12:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/748435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hlwim/pseuds/hlwim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Kaidan have a hard time keeping it together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insubordination

**Author's Note:**

> This is just pure ridiculousness. Mid-ME1, in response to a prompt from tumblr.

“Someone's feeling insubordinate today.”

Kaidan blinks, and through the visor, Shepard sees the tiniest blush creeping up his cheek.

“Not at all, ma'am. Just wondering about the, uh, tactical soundness of the plan.”

“Eugch,” says Wrex, or something close to it, rolling his eyes towards the vent. “Well, whatever you two rutting idiots decide, I can't fit in there.”

He trades places with Kaidan, who flicks on his omnitool for a scan, biting his lip.

“I don't think it narrows,” he says.

“Yeah, schematics show it leads right into the base proper. Electromagnetics put a couple of powerlines along the path. Good for sabotage.”

Kaidan jumps a little when both of her hands settle on his shoulders, but she's just measuring the difference.

“It'll be close,” Shepard says, grimacing.

“Well, I've never minded a tight fit.”

Wrex groans.

In the end, they have to strip down to undersuits and drop everything but their pistols and omnitools. The rest is collected in a heap and shoved inside various pockets and compartments in Wrex's armor. Two meters down from the hole they find a maintenance console, so Shepard sets an auto-hack on Wrex's omnitool.

“Pay attention. When it hits red, that means the steam filters are up, and the system's trying to flush us out. Just hit this code when that happens, and it'll set the system to recycle.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“If you _forget_ ,” she says sternly, “we boil.”

“Don't tempt me.” 

Back at the vent, they hesitate.

“You should probably take point.”

“You're the tech specialist.”

“So are you.”

“You're better at it.”

Shepard squints, arms crossing.

“You're wider than me. If you get stuck, I'll know we can't go any further.”

“By that logic, you should go first.”

_“No, it's okay, take your time. I'm sure there aren't patrols or anything just waiting to spot my one-ton ass hanging out in the breeze.”_

“Just get in the shaft, LT.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

She can't help grinning a little through the first fifteen meters.

“Valve.”

_“Got it, human. How long is this going to take?”_

“As long as it has to. Quit complaining.”

_“Oh, I'll just sit out here and enjoy the weather.”_

“View's not that bad either,” Shepard says, and watches Kaidan's thighs tense.

“Junction up ahead,” he grunts, when suitably recovered. His flashlight flicks back and forth. The omnitool is hard to look at, after all the darkness.

“Um, left?”

It's a trap.

Walls spring up on either side, trapping them in a one-by-two-meter box. It's a bit of a scramble, pulling her feet and his hands away before the snap.

_“Having fun?”_

“You okay?” Kaidan asks, coughing.

“Your knee's in my back.”

“Sorry.”

They twist around each other until Kaidan's on his back and Shepard's chin is resting at the bottom of his ribcage.

“This is better.”

_“Really, sounds fantastic.”_

“You see any movement on your thermals?” Shepard asks, exasperated.

_“No.”_

“Then quit your whinging. How's the steam?”

_“Holding. The whole system's in recycle for now. I'm reading junction traps up and down—I don't think they know where you are.”_

“Great. If I find one of those powerlines, we can blind them enough for you to get out and get help.”

_“Who says I'd be coming back?”_

“We're rolling in the aisles, Wrex.”

They scan in tandem, starting on opposite ends. Shepard's omnitool signals first.

“Found it?”

“Yep.”

“What?”

She bites her lip.

“You're not gonna like it.”

Shepard settles between his legs, flashlight shining on a patch of metal just beneath his thigh.

“Be careful,” Kaidan says, voice oddly strained.

“Promise you won't report me for harassment.”

He's covered his face with an arm, so his response is a muffled.

While Wrex grumbles in her ear and Kaidan makes all sorts of interesting, choked noises, Shepard welds a small hole in the vent wall.

“Everything okay up there, LT?”

“Yep. Great.”

He glances down again— _huge_ mistake. Shepard grins up at him wolfishly, tongue running along her teeth.

“Just think about something else,” she says, nearly a purr. “Geometry. The national anthem.”

A shudder rips through him.

“All due respect, ma'am, but you are _the worst_.”

“Hold still.”

It's easy work to isolate the base defense line and sever it, which cuts out any ambient light.

_“That did it, Shepard. New plan?”_

“Go get Garrus and Ash and Tali and some really big guns, and then come back and get us.”

_“Yeah, yeah, alright.”_

She lets out a sigh, forehead against Kaidan's knee.

“I swear, I'm not doing this on purpose.”

“I'll believe you went we're out.”

She can just see the glitter of his eyes.

“Shepard,” he says quietly. “Don't you think we might be crossing a few lines?”

“I'm the commanding officer. I get to decide where the line is.”

“That's how it works?”

“Yep.”

He can't help laughing a little.

“Well, I'll have to remember that, ma'am.”

“Damn right.”

“Just next time, maybe someone else comes up with the plan?”

“What's wrong with my plans?”

“They never work.”

“Says who?” Shepard grins. “Got you right where I wanted you, didn't I?”

“Guess you did, ma'am.”


End file.
